Throughout this journey there have been days where I will feel ok, and then the next second I start crying. My toddler and I are in mini-meltdown mode.
The second week after my surgery Joshua said, "Mom, my neck hurts" and bent his head to the side. There on the side of his neck was a lump about the size of a large marble. Seriously?! I thought this can't be happening. So I scheduled him for a doctor appointment the next day. Josh was at work and I took the boys to the doctor. I was ok and mentally prepared myself for being in public and talking to people. When we got there I explained to the doctor about my situation with the cancer and vocal cord. I told him I was extremely anxious about Joshua and just wanted to have him checked out. We decided to have his blood drawn and then do a round of antibiotics to see if it would go down. As a nurse this was basically what I expected. So I explained to Joshua that they had to take some of his blood. He knew what this required having seen me have my blood drawn many times. I told him he could do it. I let him watch Jake and the Neverland pirates on my phone, (thank you distractions) and the first nurse came in. She tried and missed. Now I know that happens having missed plenty of times myself. But I still was almost at the point to draw it myself. So the second nurse came in and brought two others with her to hold him down. When he had just sat still during the first attempt. I tried to tell her he would hold still if she just explained things to him. She sort of brushed me off and started to position him and put the tourniquet on. Anyone who has worked pediatrics knows that the tourniquet is the worst part and makes the kid freak out. Which is exactly what Joshua did. He stood up on the table and started screaming. The nurses were trying to grab him and I was trying to calm him down. The only problem was he couldn't hear me. I'm the mom and I couldn't comfort my frightened child because he couldn't hear me. I was so upset I turned to the nurses and had them stop and back away. Then with one arm holding Mark I half climbed onto the exam table and grabbed Joshua and pulled him down so I could whisper in his ear. I again explained to him that moving makes it worse and they want to hold you down but if you trust mama I will hold you and you can do this. Still holding Mark I held Joshua "down" with one arm, he was crying, Mark was crying and I was crying. After the 4 vials were filled he sat up and I just held him. The nurse said he was so brave she gave him 2 suckers. Unfortunately Mark also had to get a shot and I had to hold him down also. When he was done Joshua leaned over and gave him a kiss and held out one of his suckers. He is such a loving big brother.
We are just about done with the antibiotics (2nd round) and his lump is significantly smaller. We are hopeful it's just an overactive lymph node.
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